Love–An Epiphany

Say the words, Say the words, Say I love you.
Say the words, I long to hear.
Say the words, Say the words, Say I love you.
Say the words, I long to hear.
(DC Talk, “Say the Words,” Free At Last, Forefront Records, 1992)

A few days ago I was slapped in the face with a couple of words uttered by a friend. These few words have caused me to do a lot of thinking about the way I am. She said something like, “It hard to have feelings for someone and not have the reciprocated.” The problem was not what she said, but the struggle that I have been facing to show my affection to others, especially those of the opposite sex. Yes, it is hard for me to express my feeling toward people of the female persuasion. It is not that I don’t have deep feelings for them; rather, it is hard for me to put my feelings in words and actions.

I have thought that it may because I fear rejection, but I think that is a weak excuse. I don’t think I really fear rejection or embarrassment as much as I fear failure. I fear that what I do will not be met with approval; that it will not be what I am supposed to do. I fear that what I say will not be appropriate, or that when I lean in for a kiss it will be the wrong moment. That is what I thought.

However, when I was driving the other day I was not paying attention to what I was doing. Instead I was thinking. My primary focus for this exercise in day dreaming was what my understanding of love is. I have often thought that I must do something to be loved–I must say the right thing, do the right thing, or be the right person. Then I began to think of the necessary requirements for love. The question was simple: what must one do to gain my love?

Ambrose Bierce wrote:

Love is a temporary insanity curable by marriage… (Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary, Dover Publications, 1993, p. 93)

With all kidding aside, I realized that one must not do anything to gain my, or anyone else’s, love. Why do people love babies? Because they are babies. Why do I love my family, even when I often do not like all them? Because they are my family. I love, not because of what they have done, but on account of their existence.

Is it not the same with God? Does the Bible say that God proved His love for us while we were sinners? God stuck out His love while I was a sinner, before I even existed. Why would He do such a thing if I never did anything to make Him love me? It is because God loves people. I did not have to do anything to earn His love.

This is a new perspective for me. I think it will help me get over my fear of rejection, which is really my fear of failure. I can shake the fear of not doing the right thing because love should not about what I do; instead, it should be about who I am. So maybe I can sing a new song hence forth and live with my new perspective.

Say, won’t you say,
Say that you love me,
With love, ever, love,
Love everlasting?
All my devotion put into motion by you.
(Jennifer Knapp, “Say Won’t You Say,” The Way I Am, Gotee Music, 2001)